This really has nothing to do with my schooling. But I did a quick video last night for my tracking, and I was disappointed in myself about how little I had done during the day. I felt myself starting to drop.
Unfortunately, with bipolar, you’re never sure if it’s just a normal bad day or if it’s the start of a downward spiral. I can never just say, okay, bad day; tomorrow is a new start. There’s always the question lingering in the back of your mind, what do I need to get ready for?
I was unsure how the night would go, hoping for no night terrors. Well, I didn’t have those. Just the neverending movie in my head about my son. I couldn’t stop it; it just kept playing, rewinding for the most painful scenes. Over and over – I felt it all and all night all I could do was watch it in my head.
It was a long night and my short little morning check in turned into me discussing it in a much longer video. Today will be tough, the lingering sadness a top the tired weariness of yet another night of troubled sleep. I’m worn out. My days are so up and down … I’m hoping this one turns into an up soon and I don’t find myself spiraling down.
Distorted Clarity 