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I don’t think I posted my “losing my shit” videos after I received my graded paper back and the freaked-out emails I sent to Mr. Sir Professor. Probably a good thing. Freakouts are never a good thing to be viewed. But gotta love how I have absolutely ZERO control of my emotions or ability to
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One day I’ll come back here and see the things I had yearned to write upon. They will be the clues for my hide and seek for the words now lost within my head. Somehow I will splice them all together and they’ll never be what I had once intended. Or I think not… I
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Haircuts… haven’t really gotten one in years and years. Just been wearing it long, on shoulders, all one length for years. Mistakenly did the bang thing, and been hacking away at it for months. But today we went to try and get it professionally done. I’m quiet and don’t talk much and can’t really explain
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I’m not sure what’s in my head, I want to write on this but it’s spinning so much and I can’t get it slow enough to see or hear to make sense of it. There’s just so much up there in my head and it’s always trying to sort things out. I wish I could
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I’ll come back and add more later for me to refer to later as I think there are a few things I’d like myself to remember. But for now just storing it.
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Sunday was one of the darkest days I have had in a bit .. meaning like a few months. Again, I’m not posting the videos of me talking to myself down off the ledge… for obvious reasons. But it was honestly the only thing that was keeping me connected to “reality”. Being a bipolar mother
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Another grouping of bits throughout day. I used this earlier to try and figure out what turned me down into dark “end of days” zone. It was not a pretty weekend. Rapid cycling sucks, being a bipolar Mum sucks, living this life and not being able to control my brain and emotions and moods and
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Snippets of the days for tracking and documenting… I imagine there are parts that are duplicates from single videos. Again…. boring as fuck to someone else. This is only for me. I used these videos yesterday in trying to trace back to find out what my moods were and what had happened. I often forget
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This really has nothing to do with my schooling. But I did a quick video last night for my tracking, and I was disappointed in myself about how little I had done during the day. I felt myself starting to drop. Unfortunately, with bipolar, you’re never sure if it’s just a normal bad day or
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The other day I said I was loyal to someone even before I really knew them, and I thought of it as an attribute of mine. Like it was something they should appreciate. Later I thought about it and realized how unfair that is to myself, and it really isn’t loyalty at all, but some
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Distorted Clarity 